Thursday, May 5, 2011

Take Charge!

I had to swallow a couple large pills yesterday: the major one being that I'm not getting any younger.  Now, I'm not knocking at retirement's doorway right now, but the fact that I'm approaching "an age" was drilled home yesterday at my annual girly parts doctor's appointment.  The dreaded "M" word was mentioned -- mammogram.  Subsequently, a form was handed to me, instructing me to make an appointment for my first ever boob squashing, fortunately only for a baseline.  So, like any other time when I'm tired (I'd worked Tuesday night and my appt. was for 9:30a.m.), nervous, and feeling just a tad overwhelmed...I cried.  Yep, right there in the office in front of three nurses and my husband, totally embarrassing myself.  Oh, I didn't sob or even sniffle, I just got a bit teary-eyed and finally had to admit to myself -- I'm a cancer-phobe and I'm afraid of death and disease, although I deal with it every night at work.    

This morning I'm feeling a bit better after a glass of wine before bed last night and a good night's sleep, but I'm still staring at that order from the doctor's office -- make the appointment.  I will, but I don't have to like it.  Of course, now I've got another doctor's appointment to keep in two weeks, this time with my internal medicine guy (who happens to be one of my favorite doctors to work with and whose wife is a good friend of mine), because, yep, you guessed it -- my blood pressure was high when they checked it yesterday.  And now I can't even blame my lack of success in losing weight on a hypoactive thyroid since they tested mine yesterday with a finger-stick and it came back negative.  *sigh*  This...*this*...is why I stopped seeing my docs regularly:  if I don't go, I can't be told I'm sick.  Easy-peasy....  Yeah, try explaining that to the ob/gyn after not seeing him for 8 years.  That only netted me a sub-total hysterectomy thanks to a gigantic fibroid tumor on my uterus back in December.  Rationality only works if it's sensible, right?

Today I'm taking a "me day".  My reading has fallen by the wayside and my TBR hasn't gone anywhere.  It took me four weeks to read Lisa Jackson's latest hardback, Devious, and that's just unacceptable.  Oh, I can't blame my lack in reading on one doctor's appointment yesterday (one that wasn't even a bad one since I was still given a clean bill of health), but I can do something about it and take an hour out of each day, however I do it, to immerse myself in something that I've loved to do since I was a teenager.  I'm also going to tackle something I've had on my must-do list for a couple years now: start decluttering.  It starts today with a trip to the library to donate at least seven hardback, large-print books I've kept here in the office for wayyy too long, and for no reason.  Last night, in some random blog hopping, I came across a great blog that encourages and celebrates decluttering, and it really hit home.  I've got way too much shit, and it's only up to me to do something about it.

And yeah, I will make that "M" appointment one day soon.  But just give me a day or so to digest it....               

3 comments:

Lori said...

It's actually not that bad. I'm going for my *gasp* 6th one next month. I hate having the girls al squashed up and having someone else feel me up when I can't even enjoy it, but I just view it as another piece of spreading my legs for someone who isn't my hubby once a year. Isn't it joyous to be a woman?

On a side note, how was Devious? I'm on the waiting list at the library for it. I <3 Lisa Jackson.

Amy said...

Lori, funny thing is that I'm not scared of the actual process, but of results. I excel in Fretting and Worrying 101, and picturing worst case scenarios!

Devious probably wasn't my most favorite Lisa Jackson, but she did bring back Dr. Sam from Hot Blooded for this one. And there's a huuuuge cliff hanger in Devious!

Now if she'd only hurry up and write a follow up to Without Mercy -- loved that ending, cliff hanger and all.

Renee@Modus Operandi Designs said...

It was funny for me to read this...not haha funny, but you know what I mean.
Dave asked me the other day, "Am I middle aged??" It was like it had just never occurred to him that 20 something year old girls would see him as an old man for the first time and I just had to laugh about it!
If I were single, I'd officially be classified as a cougar (thank god I dodged THAT bullet) but while it's hard to swallow the "getting older pill", I have to say I'm learning to embrace it...Still have to get my momo too and I'm not loving it any more than you are!
Hey! Maybe we can make a girl's trip out of it lol We could hit up Gatlinberg and find some hill billy doctor to give us a two-fer. What do you say?